Do you still have your period?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
