If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
