Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
