His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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