It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
