Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
