her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
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