i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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