Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
