But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
