The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
