Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
