Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
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i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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