He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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