it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just threw up on my dentist
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
