i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
where am i from again
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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