Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
