I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
