Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize