We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
The Olympian is in my bed
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
