Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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