What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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