we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
