***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
