I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
