i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
