I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
