we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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