Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Randomize
