We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
