First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
