theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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