I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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