my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize
