you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
