I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
