my soul wont recognize me after tonight
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
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Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
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I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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