hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
We have started to decorate penises.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You're a waste of cheezeits
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
