This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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