Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.