I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
don't judge my taste in strippers
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..