We're facebook friends in real life
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)