I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
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I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
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Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?