Fine. I'll sleep in my office
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related