I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just sucked dick on a ferry