sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS