I just saw a hot homeless man
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS