Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
