the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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