I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
