Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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