I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
wow bdsm is so cute
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
