he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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