Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
