We're facebook friends in real life
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
