i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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