There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
