too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
