apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
