masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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