I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
