No stitches, just platelets and will power
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Randomize
