sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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