the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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