just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
