Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
