I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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