i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
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