you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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