i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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