Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
