turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
