My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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