don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
the day after is always just damage control
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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