I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
