brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
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You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
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There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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